Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Why a carrot as a logo? Tahiti. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. In case he gets a hole in one. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? My drives aren't always long and straight. Twelfth son of the Lama. It can be difficult. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. The most important shot in golf is the next one. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. If you drink, dont drive. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. I never prayed that I would make a putt. They have a hard drive. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. happen again! 1. He said. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Whos there? We have a threesome, care to join us? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Id cry too if I played golf like you. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. The end. All the fans are gone! Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. I'll let you beat me. Because it would interrupt their tea time. 2. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. All lip, no hole. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Besides that, I love to explore. I stepped on a rake.". Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Drops him off at the golf course! no! The means are as important as the ends. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. 4. It bends a little to the left. Why are golf and sex so similar? How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Always keep learning. A hole in one of a kind model. Bruce Lansky, Author. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Just in case they get a slice! They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Golf is very much like a love affair. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? It will test your patience. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Are you into kinky stuff? The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com Nay! Intercourse! She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. In case they get a hole-in-one! Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. I like to go low. Your email address will not be published. When your golf cart capsizes. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. 6. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. It can be rewarding. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. What do golf and sex share in common? 700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest P.G. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Because all the other four letter words were taken. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Play golf. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Big pupils lead to big scores. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Dont even putt. Jack Benny. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. 4. And it's damn funny. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Just tap it in. 3. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that.