Its not right Im sure I wouldnt. .you can call me whatever you like. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. Move forward with your life. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. I dont know if hes a bad guy or not since we only have the ex-girlfriends side of the story. Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. They are babies. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Best of luck. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. AndreaMarie That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A That still has no impact on my main points. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. LOL What? If the woman is not required to support a child She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. lets_be_honest Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. That is called deception. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. And I do commend him for providing financial support. I think we need to take a poll. At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. Just reduces the chances. Chuck Pelto If its not easy and its not what one wants, opt out of it. SweetsAndBeats How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. Life isnt fair. [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. We're doing great but after a month, he confessed he got this girl pregnant. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Theres a fun scenario. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. No interest in fatherhood? Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? lets_be_honest I cried and felt so depressed. For whatever reason that may be. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Guy Friday in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Briana DeJesus. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. Actually no. Please. And you cant have conception without sperm. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Coke bottle explodes taking off your arm = coke pays. I agree with you, as well. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Think of the children. Only the woman did. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. . April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? You wouldnt need to administer it. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. He had a FWB relationship with a girl and always used condoms. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. What happens if you get pregnant? John Rohan Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. Your dad of course has had 25 years of having a daughter and being a grown up to teach him to have more sense. lets_be_honest I had no idea. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. You have no opinion in this matter. SweetsAndBeats If you are so against men having to pay for a child they dont want that was nonetheless created by their penis couldnt you make this issue a hell of a lot easier by just telling your male friends to wrap it up? I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). So go control them all you please. Steve Kellmeyer People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. The child support goes to support the child. Not everyone believes that. April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. I know of a jumpmaster who lost his nose and ears for being too bold doing the one-minute door check in severe cold weather. Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. And the world goes round. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. Im sure youll do a wonderful job! I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. Steve Kellmeyer The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. "Cry, vent and . I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. How silly I have been. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). I was devastated. They can either hope the woman opts to not keep the baby, or they pay. He sounds a bit flakey. So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? After that, its not your choice anymore. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. female Hes made a choice. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. They like to entrap men, too. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . No, thats the kids money. I dont know whats causing all this rancor, RR, but its surely not just the letter. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. iseeshiny Dude, get away from this guy pronto! He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. It is scummy though. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. Aim for the face. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. He was there just as much as that woman was. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. Have whatever sex you want. But coke didnt mean for its bottle to explode and take your arm off either. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen.